More work to do......

on saving Suzuki. Now that Amy is out of play, SS is still trying to decide between an internet porn amateur, i.e. Coco from Chandler or a full on reality skank. It is a tough call, but I hear Daisy's uncle is a tough mug.

Decisions Decisions.

Saved....

I saved Shane's marriage this weekend.

While it may have seemed like my ill timed meltdown was a ride ruining shit bomb, it was actually divine intervention.

Let me explain.



This past weekend, the Long Island Lolita, Amy Fisher, was stripping at Score's on the island of E'ville. While this does not sound like anything all that enticing, short of meeting Coco from Chandler, this was the holy grail for the S man. He had plans of talking Amy into running away together on a screaming Suzuki 450, with nothing but mud in their wake and sex tapes in their future.

My implosion delayed Shane's arrival at Scores and some Joey Buttafuoco look alike had beaten him to the punch. Now he is stuck focusing on Coco.

Doing the lords work,

The Enmark

Here come the MIB's.....

Me and the club century don't get along. I have done some other centuries this year, last year, and years prior with no problems, but whenever it is a club century---not so much. Poor Shane has to go get treated for radiation exposure tonight after the catastrophic nuclear blast that let go near Dale, IN today. Worst part? The wind was in your face for the rest of the ride. I am sure that the rapid 12 mph pace I was rippin' was impressive for tricycle racing, but it sucked for getting home.

Now the worst part....



These two were waiting to speak with me in my driveway about the UFO crash in Dale...

Breaking News Flash!!!!!!

A few weeks ago, Skip was allegedly attacked by a motorist while on a Saturday group ride. It was the day before Easter, so knowing that most people were going to be forced into family obligations, angry motorists seemed like a realistic thing to encounter. His story was quite plausible.

According to his account, he was putting a jacket away, or such, he was stopped and berated by a motorist for riding on the road. He was threatened with physical violence and felt lucky to escape. Luckily for Skip, he was unharmed, able to resume his Saturday ride and eventually, with a shit load of solo riding, regain contact with the group.

I did some digging into the police blotter from that weekend and found a disturbing piece that has raised question with Skips account. It leads me to believe that the massive effort to regain the group was not so much about completing the ride with the group, but was actually about runnin' from the law.

It turns out the the motorist was driving a Volvo wagon. After obsessing over a Volvo wagon and being under the pressure of family commitments surrounding Easter weekend, Skip must have snapped. According to police reports, an angry cyclist attacked a Volvo driving motorist at a stop sign in northern Evansville. The cyclist attempted to carjack the Volvo, first trying to put his bike on the roof and then attempting to remove the occupants from the vehicle. Witness's stated that the cyclist in question continually beat on the glass, tried to take the vehicle and upon realizing that the carjacking had gone awry, remounted his bicycle and left in a cloud of dust and anger.

He could be heard spouting for miles, "All I wanted was a Volvo wagon"

The investigation is ongoing.

Are you part of the problem????

I have figured out how to fix the economy.

Skip has money. He won't use it, but he has it. It is time for him to pump some coin back in....





Tell the old lady you are coming home with these Skip. You are doing it for your country, for your fellow man. Be an American.

You need to pick up these, your S3 and a Volvo......and man up. I will talk to the SRAM guys and get you a price on the pimped Volvo.

Now they did it......

Apparently, Iraq is treating Fitz well. He has named himself king of the desert and assumed a throne. Amazingly, it isn't connected to plumbing. He has found the beach, but said that it is one hell of a walk to the ocean.

Next week he hopes to loot an Audi.




Mr. Potato head at a pond. $20 says he pee'd in it.

Oh Beautiful......

It has been a killer week for American Cycling





First, Skip professes his man love for the world to hear through song and then the Garmin team decides that kicking the shit out of the EuroDogs is the way to roll. CVV and Farrar are killer.

On another note, I am thinking about introducing Trent to Skip. Trent might be persuaded to leave the ultra right wing conservative, Ann Coulter worshiping world and man up for some time with Skip. Maybe Harry would be jealous and we can put all of this behind us.

I lay $50 that I could get Nancy Pelosi to video tape it. She is from San Fran after all.

From the island of E'ville,
The Enmark

You don't bring me flowers anymore.....

Skip loves Harry.


A couple of weeks ago, Harry was in town to visit some family. He rode with us both days he was here. Skip was no where to be found on Saturday, but was upset when he had not heard from Harry. He frantically called Suzuki on Saturday to find out if Harry was really here. He was devastated when he found out Harry was here and did not call.

Skip made sure to make it to the Sunday ride, nothing could obstruct his passion. The jilted lover said, "He comes into town and never calls. He was in my wedding!" When Harry arrived for the Sunday ride, Skip gave him shit, which of course Harry had a beautiful retort for regarding the fact that Skip was always out running when he comes to town.

Eventually, Skip's heart healed from the pain.....but all I hear is the song You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore by Neil Diamond and Barbara Streisand....

I thought I would include the lyrics with both parts so that you two could sing it together.....Harry, why don't you take Neil's part....

Barbra
You don't bring me flowers
You don't sing me love songs
Neil
You hardly talk to me anymore
When you come through that door at the end of the day...
Barbra
I remember when you couldn't wait to love me
Used to hate to leave me
Now after loving me late at night
Neil
When its good for you, babe
And you're feeling all right
Barbra
When you just roll over and turn out the light...
And you don't bring me flowers anymore
Neil
It used to be so natural
Barbra
It used to be...
Neil
To talk about forever
Barbra
Mmm...
Neil
But used-to-be's don't count anymore
They just lay on the floor
Till we sweep them away
Barbra
And baby I remember all the things you taught me
Neil
I learned how to laugh and I learned how to cry
Barbra
Well, I learned how to love and I learned how to lie
Neil
So you think I could learn how to tell you goodbye
Barbra
So you think I could learn how to tell you goodbye
You don't bring me flowers any more...
Both
Well, you think I could learn how to tell you goodbye...
Neil
cause you don't say you need me;
Barbra
You don't sing me love songs;
Both
You don't bring me flowers anymore...

Ruining relationships the world over,
The Enmark

Champ or Chump?

I have been watching a fair amount of the Tour of California. I did not have time or fitness to race last year and I was pretty removed from most things cycling related. This year I am trying to make more time for it. Being a bike geek, that includes making time to watch the Tour of California.

For years I have tried to cheer for George Hincapie. He is an American, he was always second fiddle to Lance, so I felt like he needed someone to cheer for him. But as time has gone on, he continually pisses me off. I remember watching Tafi ride away with his Flanders victory while they all stared at each other wondering what just happened. Don't even get me started on Roubaix. Remember when he blistered the prologue of the Tour? 2nd to Thor. The G-Man and I talked at length about George a couple of times on boring training rides and we came to the agreement that he would be on Rock Racing with Freddie Rodriguez if it weren't for Lance. You can't continue to get close results and get a contract.

So yesterday, I see him in the break and I start cheering for either he or Christian to win. Then I watched another race slip away for him.

Stapleton has to be cheering the day he signed Cavendish. That way he is guaranteed to win something. I can't decide if George is a champ or a chump.

From the island of E'ville,
The Enmark

G-Man......houchie hunting

I talked with the G-Man last week. With Arizona making the superbowl, his tactic of picking up chicks by being Edgerrin James is encountering some opposition. Turns out with all of this publicity, the early 20 somethings have figured out that this 40 year old white guy might not be NFL material.

Who woulda thunk it??