Nash-Vegas Bound!

I am anxiously awaiting our annual spring trip. This year we are headed to scenic Nash-Vegas for the 3rd year in a row. The numbers are down this year, but we still managed to scrounge up some riders. I can't wait to just ride my bike for a few days. Here is the who's who of the trip for this year.

After being a puss bag last year, Spencer is coming back, hopefully with more watts than he took to the fitness test at Mario's. He cried the last time we went, so I am excited to see if we get him to drop Trent this time.

Also on the list is the cougar slayer, Big Daddy Garland. He is hitting the rollers more than semi-annually and is promising a '99 like season. Makes me miss Whitlock, who is also stuck in '99. I am sure that Garland will be pimpin' large. Can't wait to show him Percy Warner Park.

Also on the list is the "new" Trent. He should be much better than "old" Trent. Last year he pussed out on the long day, stitching his flip flaps and crying on Rich's should in the hotel room. No pillow biting out of him this year, he is 30 pounds lighter and bringing 30 more sustainable watts of power with him. He should rip it, but I expect that by the end he will look like this photo. A pretty normal view of him actually.

Grumpy Bill is going and planning on killing the miles, showing us how it was back in his day like Grandpa Simpson. He also promised to give cougar slaying lessons to Garland, which should make for a 50+ mile conversation. Lawyers chasing tail. Sounds like a Kennedy convention to me.

Special guest to include a member of the U.S. Army. Details to come.

If you want to ride multiple 100 mile days in Nash-Vegas, email me.

Garland Update

It turns out that I can now reveal the team that Garland was negotiating with. It was Amore Vita/McDonalds. Apparently, there was a limited supply of hair gel and their deal with Cannondale went to Liquigas, so they passed on Garland. Additionally, there was concern about what Garland would request from McDonald's in the feedzone, something about "special sauce and buns".

In the end, Dave does have a stronger resume than Quaranta, who they decided to go with, but Dave's is in the cougar striking field, not the peloton. Since they shifted focus from chasing to tail to kicking it, they passed on the G-Man.

Don't give up your search Dave. Their is a team out there for you with plenty of Italian flair, hair gel, hip cars and a fast food sponsor. Keep it real.

Enmark

Winter Sux

Grumpy Bill and I reviewed the new "non-disturbance" agreement that I have to sign to keep my job. What a great document that is. A real motivator for sales people! Bill got to do some extensive lawyering and told me to sign it and find a job some where else. I knew he made the big bucks for a reason.

When I signed the "non-disturbance", I felt like the guy in the photo. Making a deal with the devil.

I am counting down the days to daylight savings time, warmer weather and kicking T-Rent's arse.

Bringin' Sexy Back

So our man and pimp deluxe Garland is without a team, lost in the cycling world. You ask yourself, how can this possibly be? With that sprint, that resume, who wouldn't want him? Well, things in cycling are complicated after Operacion Puerto, and the aging resume doesn't help. Promise abounds for '07, but no teams thus far. I took the time to speak with the man, the myth and the legend about the current state of affairs, cycling in general and of course his love for juggs.

Enmark: Why don't you have a team?

Garland: Whomever I decide to bless with my looks and charm has to meet a few certain, detailed criteria in order to obtain my services. I have been in touch with a team, but we haven't made the progress I had hoped for up to now.

Enmark: What might that criteria be?

Garland: As you know, we being Cannondale men, must hold true to that commitment first and foremost. I cannot be associated with a team that is not affiliated with the Cannondale organization.

Enmark: But you already have two?

Garland: Exactly, and they are red, which is where my second problem lies. I am searching for a team that have the right color scheme and jersey design to go with my stable of cycles. Oh, and they have to have black shorts. Things look bigger in black and cougars dig big. For that matter I dig big. Juggs I mean.

Enmark: The rumors about your obsession with juggs are well known.

Garland: Exactly. Which is why I have to be fly, bring sexy back, you know?

Enmark: So what has stalled the negotiations with this team with cool kits, Cannondale sponsorship and a local that is 200 miles from you? They sound perfect.

Garland: One would assume that they are perfect on the surface. I mean I wouldn't have to see them, they wouldn't have to see me. Sounds peachy right? Well I kicked the resume of race wins to them, and get this, they want me to meet up on a Saturday morning for their club ride to "meet the guys". I am on the lurch for cougars, not dudes in spandex. Apparently, I have to "fit in". How gay is that?

Enmark: So it is about being a club guy, click filler, not a racer?

Garland: I guess. I asked about the chicks that show up on the ride, but I couldn't get any good info. Plus they meet at like 8 in the morning to ride. I am sneaking out the back door of the hookups around then, trying to avoid breakfast with their kids, not planning a ride then.

Enmark: So what are you going to do?

Garland: Chase skank, polish the 'dales and keep dreamin' about a set of Lightweight wheels.

Enmark: Play on player!

January is Gone.

Well January is over and we are closing in on the opportunity to race, although you can't tell right now since it is 19 degrees outside.

T-Rent was the man for the month, reconnecting with his swerve and logging 28 hours for the month, riding 24 days and 454 miles. On top of that, he improved in his fitness test from two years ago by over 30 watts. Pretty stellar when you add 30 watts and remove 30 pounds. My guess is that he will be able to faaasssst this year.

Stay tuned for pics from the fitness testing. I need to get them from Mario, but there are some fabulous photos of T-Rent, primarily in fetal position thumb sucking after his test.

I am the slacker of our January crew, only managing 22 hours for the month, 379 miles and 13 days of riding. For those of you doing the calculation, I am riding faster than Trent (which is normal). I also did the fitness test and posted very similar numbers to two years ago, except for my burst power which was much higher and resulted in the destruction of Rich's CompuPuke.

Not sure what Rich did, but he gets a pass with the birth of his second son.

After testing as high as he did, T-Rent is going to be watched by the Dick Pounder, and will probably be banned from the Tour this year, because that much improvement can only be related to doping or dropping a wife. He has the certificate for wife dropping, so he could be in London starting the TT behind David Millar. Dopers Unite! Stay tuned on how the saga unfolds.