Big Dummy

The 4th of July was a special event this year. The "Big Dummy" aka Whitlock made his presence felt on the island of E'ville. I haven't had the pleasure of riding with Joe since I kicked the crap out of him in Dayton back in early May. I was looking forward to getting on the road with the man, the myth and the legend who has tormented so many fields in his day.

He made his way down on the 4th and we were able to sneak out that afternoon. I have been doing some job shifting and visiting with family, so I had not touched my bike for 10 days. Needless to say, Joe made quick work of destroying me in my sad state. The worst part was after about half an hour, I had two flats, so we had to head back to my house to get additional tubes to continue. On top of that excuse, it was about 400 degrees here and I was not liking the heat. In the end, we did not beat the impending storm and ended up getting pummeled by rain for the last 3 miles. We got a couple of hours in and Joe got to tell me how much I sucked and that he can pummel me without training.

Thursday we ended up getting out for 4 hours. To my disappointment, Joe did not end up in the fetal position, which was the goal I had set for myself upon leaving, but he did have multiple meltdowns. The best part of the day was the fit he threw when the next Mountain Dew stop was 3 miles away and he did not think that he could make it that far. On top of that, was when he went to the counter at the stop, in his sad and delirious state, he had picked up diet dew. He could have been killed had the diet toxins touched his stomach. He narrowly avoided a catastrophe of epic proportion.

While riding with Joe, I was delightfully versed on why he cannot train with the G-Man. I will leave that discussion for another article. Needless to say, turning 40 has only made Joe grumpy. I can only assume that the AARP comments were not well received, nor were the grandpa Simpson references.

One thing we did learn from Joe's visit is that his daughter Liv is planning on becoming a nudist. While at the McDonald's play ground, she removed her shirt and dawned her chest for everyone. When we got to the play ground prior to seeing fireworks on another stop, she saw the fire pole and promptly started removing clothing. Joe hopes that she decides to run off to a nudist colony full of lesbians (and that he can tag along), but more than likely she will end up a stripper. Take a look at the attached pics, we can't decide if her stripper name should be nutmeg or paprika. I can't wait to see how this one turns out. She is a female Joe, challenging everything. Paybacks are hell and his parents might be getting more than even.

From the island of E'ville,

The Enmark