Doping Secret's Revealed

I have been informed by one of my "in the know" informants (smooth as silk) that he has stumbled into some of the dirty little secrets of doping. One of those secrets was reported in the April 1st USA Today.

Here is the low down: Deer penis, turtle blood and angelica root potions have joined steroids and amphetamines on the list of banned drugs for Chinese Olympians.

After I received this information, I was forced to re-evaluate my time riding with the O.D. (Original Doper).

I could never understand why every fall we had to ride to all of the deer check in stations, but we always did. O.D. claimed to be in love with nature and a huge fan of 12 point bucs. Turns out, he is into bucs alright. No interest in doe's what so ever. The puzzle is beginning to make more and more sense.

Then I backed up into some of the early spring rides through the Bluegrass Wildlife area, where for no explicable reason, he would tear off through a field toward one of the many fishing holes and dive in head first. He claimed it was to force himself to hold his breath to increase his anaerobic threshold, but I suspect he was just chasing turtle blood. He would casually pop up from under the water like Rambo with 2-3 turtles in his hands claiming that they might make it as pets for his kids. I have been to his house, they don't have any turtles for pets. He is on the stuff.

Now that he has picked up running, he disappears in the woods for hours on end. He claims to be working on a half marathon, but I think that he has to crawl out with all of the angelica root he is carrying.

We are going to continually monitor this story, but if for no reason, he hops off of his bike to mount a doe, I am calling the UCI & PETA.

Last Second Addition: Suzuki Shane noticed that the the O.D. lives on Deer Trail. Honestly, he really has a physical address with Deer Trail as the street. It was probably a ploy to throw off WADA and not have a Rasmusen incident.

From the island of E'ville,

The Enmark