The Code has been Broken!

I had the opportunity last night to ride with the broken doper. I think that this entire shoulder injury and surgery has been fabricated and it was total B.S. that he was hurt. He is fine and has been faking it all along. He was be-bopping along in full on whirling dervish style last night. The pics he posted were a fine job of photo shop. Hell his face isn't even in them, so I doubt it is even him. I did get reminded last night of an email that Spencer sent to me a couple of years ago that cracked the code to Barker speak. Here it is:

Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret
trainers around. They'll say anything to soften you
up for the kill. Don't let this happen to you. Study
this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what they
really mean when they say:

"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't
missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace
my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts.
My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage
rate.

"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in
shape" ---
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the
gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line
sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I
will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat
post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.

"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany
using titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a
wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a
fart and costs more than a divorce.

"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a
presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep
sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have
a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for
the search-and-rescue dogs.

"It's not that far"
Translation: Bring your passport


Now we can all figure out what the hell Barker is talking about.

From the island of E'ville,

The Enmark