The Blue Coats

Anyone in this country who has ever taken a history class can remember that our forefathers had a problem with the Red Coats. The British had tyrannical rule over the colonies and it took a massive tea party to right the wrong and set us on our way to independence. It took a rebellious bunch, with panache and unheralded vision to make us into our own nation. They hated the Red Coats and rose up and defeated them.

The officials at the USCF have taken on the nickname, the Blue Coats, primarily for their greater than thee, this is a real sport attitude. Everyone knows that kids ride bikes to get away from their house and experience freedom while they are growing up and eventually they get cars and make Arabs rich. Adults riding bikes are stuck somewhere in between, but are still trying to get out and experience some freedom. We race around pretending we are kids again. It is not to be taken seriously, especially by anyone who takes on the role of officiating grown adults riding bikes. There were no officials in sandlot baseball and it usually worked out. Other than a way to develop cool shit with carbon, bicycle racing is pretty much a kids game that adults can play to escape life for a little bit.

I recently had a run in with one of the Blue Coats. I have not been riding or training as much recently, so I wasn't confident that I could keep up with the other "kids". I have not purchased a racing license, so I am theoretically a "citizen" racer. I decided to do a "training" race while on a business trip recently since I was in town and it was convenient. A "training" race is a pretend bike race, not to be confused with real bike races. So to catch you up, it is grown adults, pretending to be kids again doing a pretend race. Once again, not something to be taken seriously.

In order to do the pretend race, I had to purchase a license for one day. I had decided to do the "B" race which was not the fastest pretenders doing the "A" race, but the second fastest pretenders. There was also a "C" race, which is for new riders. I did not feel like I should be in the new rider race, so I asked if I could do the 30+ B race and not do the C race. That was fine with the promoter, but not with the Blue Coat. Apparently, 15 years of supporting the USCF and having a license is not enough. I was relegated to citizen status just like that, no check for a license, no category racing.

I am still perplexed on how I did not fit into a race that was relegated by an age category when I am the correct age range for the event? Must be Blue Coat math, similar to Bush's fuzzy math.

It just goes to show, if you get a coat, no matter if it is red or blue, you can no longer operate with any cognitive thinking process and must try to oppress those around you.

From the island of E'ville,

The Enmark