Nash-Vegas Bound!

I am anxiously awaiting our annual spring trip. This year we are headed to scenic Nash-Vegas for the 3rd year in a row. The numbers are down this year, but we still managed to scrounge up some riders. I can't wait to just ride my bike for a few days. Here is the who's who of the trip for this year.

After being a puss bag last year, Spencer is coming back, hopefully with more watts than he took to the fitness test at Mario's. He cried the last time we went, so I am excited to see if we get him to drop Trent this time.

Also on the list is the cougar slayer, Big Daddy Garland. He is hitting the rollers more than semi-annually and is promising a '99 like season. Makes me miss Whitlock, who is also stuck in '99. I am sure that Garland will be pimpin' large. Can't wait to show him Percy Warner Park.

Also on the list is the "new" Trent. He should be much better than "old" Trent. Last year he pussed out on the long day, stitching his flip flaps and crying on Rich's should in the hotel room. No pillow biting out of him this year, he is 30 pounds lighter and bringing 30 more sustainable watts of power with him. He should rip it, but I expect that by the end he will look like this photo. A pretty normal view of him actually.

Grumpy Bill is going and planning on killing the miles, showing us how it was back in his day like Grandpa Simpson. He also promised to give cougar slaying lessons to Garland, which should make for a 50+ mile conversation. Lawyers chasing tail. Sounds like a Kennedy convention to me.

Special guest to include a member of the U.S. Army. Details to come.

If you want to ride multiple 100 mile days in Nash-Vegas, email me.

Garland Update

It turns out that I can now reveal the team that Garland was negotiating with. It was Amore Vita/McDonalds. Apparently, there was a limited supply of hair gel and their deal with Cannondale went to Liquigas, so they passed on Garland. Additionally, there was concern about what Garland would request from McDonald's in the feedzone, something about "special sauce and buns".

In the end, Dave does have a stronger resume than Quaranta, who they decided to go with, but Dave's is in the cougar striking field, not the peloton. Since they shifted focus from chasing to tail to kicking it, they passed on the G-Man.

Don't give up your search Dave. Their is a team out there for you with plenty of Italian flair, hair gel, hip cars and a fast food sponsor. Keep it real.

Enmark

Winter Sux

Grumpy Bill and I reviewed the new "non-disturbance" agreement that I have to sign to keep my job. What a great document that is. A real motivator for sales people! Bill got to do some extensive lawyering and told me to sign it and find a job some where else. I knew he made the big bucks for a reason.

When I signed the "non-disturbance", I felt like the guy in the photo. Making a deal with the devil.

I am counting down the days to daylight savings time, warmer weather and kicking T-Rent's arse.

Bringin' Sexy Back

So our man and pimp deluxe Garland is without a team, lost in the cycling world. You ask yourself, how can this possibly be? With that sprint, that resume, who wouldn't want him? Well, things in cycling are complicated after Operacion Puerto, and the aging resume doesn't help. Promise abounds for '07, but no teams thus far. I took the time to speak with the man, the myth and the legend about the current state of affairs, cycling in general and of course his love for juggs.

Enmark: Why don't you have a team?

Garland: Whomever I decide to bless with my looks and charm has to meet a few certain, detailed criteria in order to obtain my services. I have been in touch with a team, but we haven't made the progress I had hoped for up to now.

Enmark: What might that criteria be?

Garland: As you know, we being Cannondale men, must hold true to that commitment first and foremost. I cannot be associated with a team that is not affiliated with the Cannondale organization.

Enmark: But you already have two?

Garland: Exactly, and they are red, which is where my second problem lies. I am searching for a team that have the right color scheme and jersey design to go with my stable of cycles. Oh, and they have to have black shorts. Things look bigger in black and cougars dig big. For that matter I dig big. Juggs I mean.

Enmark: The rumors about your obsession with juggs are well known.

Garland: Exactly. Which is why I have to be fly, bring sexy back, you know?

Enmark: So what has stalled the negotiations with this team with cool kits, Cannondale sponsorship and a local that is 200 miles from you? They sound perfect.

Garland: One would assume that they are perfect on the surface. I mean I wouldn't have to see them, they wouldn't have to see me. Sounds peachy right? Well I kicked the resume of race wins to them, and get this, they want me to meet up on a Saturday morning for their club ride to "meet the guys". I am on the lurch for cougars, not dudes in spandex. Apparently, I have to "fit in". How gay is that?

Enmark: So it is about being a club guy, click filler, not a racer?

Garland: I guess. I asked about the chicks that show up on the ride, but I couldn't get any good info. Plus they meet at like 8 in the morning to ride. I am sneaking out the back door of the hookups around then, trying to avoid breakfast with their kids, not planning a ride then.

Enmark: So what are you going to do?

Garland: Chase skank, polish the 'dales and keep dreamin' about a set of Lightweight wheels.

Enmark: Play on player!

January is Gone.

Well January is over and we are closing in on the opportunity to race, although you can't tell right now since it is 19 degrees outside.

T-Rent was the man for the month, reconnecting with his swerve and logging 28 hours for the month, riding 24 days and 454 miles. On top of that, he improved in his fitness test from two years ago by over 30 watts. Pretty stellar when you add 30 watts and remove 30 pounds. My guess is that he will be able to faaasssst this year.

Stay tuned for pics from the fitness testing. I need to get them from Mario, but there are some fabulous photos of T-Rent, primarily in fetal position thumb sucking after his test.

I am the slacker of our January crew, only managing 22 hours for the month, 379 miles and 13 days of riding. For those of you doing the calculation, I am riding faster than Trent (which is normal). I also did the fitness test and posted very similar numbers to two years ago, except for my burst power which was much higher and resulted in the destruction of Rich's CompuPuke.

Not sure what Rich did, but he gets a pass with the birth of his second son.

After testing as high as he did, T-Rent is going to be watched by the Dick Pounder, and will probably be banned from the Tour this year, because that much improvement can only be related to doping or dropping a wife. He has the certificate for wife dropping, so he could be in London starting the TT behind David Millar. Dopers Unite! Stay tuned on how the saga unfolds.

My Fan Club

While the "Team Enmark" fan club is not a huge group, these two are looking forward to '07. They are most excited that T-Rent promises to get off of his arse and ride like a man this year. Hopefully, Alex's first words aren't,"Trent, you're a dumbass, attack those chumps". Well on second thought, I hope that they are her first words.

Looking forward to warmth and racing.

Enmark

That Friggin Skinny Kid

So I get a call Friday night from Barker that it isn't supposed to be totally freezing on Saturday, and I am to report by 9:30 for bike practice. Since the club ride was across the river in Henderson, we decided to hook up and ride in Indiana. We coordinated getting me to leave the house, and the heat, with a phone call and I rode out to meet him Saturday morning. He was wrong, it was freezing when I left.

Now, I am way behind on hours this month from Rich's plan, but I have been riding more than any other winter, and I am still 30+ pounds lighter than last year, so I did not expect to take the ass schlackin' that I received from that skinny f**ker. Apparently he was "just going easy" on a couple of the climbs that we did. He had to go easy after them so that the fat kid, yours truly, could catch back up. You have to be carefull riding with the original doper, he's on the stuff, whatever the stuff is.

After we went over the biggest climb we were going to do for the day, we were finally allowed to ride slower and talk. It turns out that Barker was in Spain years & years ago, and by virtue of being in Spain was part of Operacion Puerto. At least the fact that he was in Spain, is not French and raced a bike, makes him guilty, although he has no idea who Dr. Fuentes is. He is banned from a start in the Tour this year. The media and the French have taken the overwhelming evidence into account, and banned him from ASO races, no Paris-Nice, no Roubaix, etc. Much like Pierro, who had a get out of jail free card, he is guilty, just because. While he was saddened by the news, he is still eligible for Hillsborough Roubaix, so his season is back on track, the original doper lives on.

In all, it was a good day, although it took me 25 minutes to get warmed up again after we stopped at BP. The original doper can roll. Look out for him in '07. He is still in the 155-157lb range and looks like he can rip it. I think that he might have contracted the HIV from Trent. I told him not to look Trent in the eye.

Anyway, check out this pic of the original doper from last year. I think that he will go faster than this in '07.

Anyway, always remember, when the offical says go, rip it!

Enmark

Friggin Cold

It is friggin cold. I am watching the weather channel, but things aren't looking good for a weekend ride outside. I hate the cold.

I am going to push for global warming on a larger scale. Possibly an '08 run for the White House on the no more winter platform. Do you think that if everyone switched to the southern hemisphere for winter the world would spin out of orbit? If it won't, then when I am president, I will pass a law that states that everyone has to live in the summer, regardless of hemisphere. Well the Mexicans can stay. They just want to migrate north anyway.

So, it looks like I am stuck on the trainer for the next few days. I thought I would post this picture to remind myself that I will get to go fast again sometime. For those of you "in the know", that is the man, T-Rent gettin his swerve on last season. He is training like crazy and plans to be twice the pimp of previous years this season. I can't wait for sunshine and racing to pick back up.

Winter Sucks.

Enmark

Damn Rain

Well, what do you do in Indiana when the weather is shit and rain for a week on end? Go to the gun show! T-Rent, Jeff and I were at the gun show this past weekend. This rain is costing me cash. This is a Smith & Wesson Model 28-2 California Highway Patrol .357 Magnum.

If you can't get outside to ride, you might as well look at cool stuff!

Floyd

After this response to Dick Pound, how could you not dig the guy.

By the way, isn't it ironic that the head of WADA is a dick pounder? If you have a name like that, you shouldn't be in the public eye.